I’m afraid of something

At this age, I'm scared. I am afraid I will be a sort of people my parent never wanted me to be. Maybe a Junkie, Rempit, Criminal, Blood Suckers, Vampire, Kong Kang, Rapper, nope. I not mean a singer, I mean a Rapper - the one who used their cock to a girl vagina freely without permission, in the easiest word, the one who raped a person.

I always freak out in high school after imagined in 2010 I will work in shopping complex. It is six days a week and never have a weekly leave in Sunday or Saturday. In a free time, I will spent my time in front of my PC playing games.

Besides me, on the table are a couple of beer and when I get bored, I’ll go to Sentul meet my friends and buy Marijuana, then I go back home, prepared a bong, seduce the papaya leaf and get stone, sleeping and playing games again, take pills, sucks my neighbour tits because she's bitch kinda-look-like plus everytime i saw her, she's seem so horny, hey, is woman horny every minutes? or they just horny after see me?

It's a quite odd to start conversation since I not knowing her so much plus her horny and gedik feelings. Luckily, she just move out in 2008. So I need to find another Bohsia. Okay, that just was what I imagine. Seriously it's just what I thought.

2009 is the same with the previous years. I don’t have a good memory to remember all the things that happen. This memory lost is always happen. Seriously I dont know why. I don’t remember my classmate in standard 6, Form 1, Form 2, Form 3 and even in Form 4. Owh. I forgot, my attendance in Form 4 was 87/121 something.

For me, it was so lame to remember everything happen. Because actually, there is nothing happen. So, everyday I tried to get rid that I did nothing. Okay, I always thinking something big will happen. Like going overseas and setup a accounting company. Become a Doctor or Engineer, Be a football star and playing with Chelsea FC. Okay, it just a dream okay. Fuck. What the fuck am I just wrote!! I ain't no stone.

Hey, five years without get stoned. It will be a title of the song. Okay, let just continue, good thing came in my life in 2006. I have a chance to further my study. Even it is far from home. There is the only chance i had. No multiple choice answers.

After travel at Dungun, I always remember how I miss Gombak, I missed my self, my family and all my friend. Three years at Dungun start in 2006 has teach me lot of thing. Different culture, different dialect and different people. My old friend said I have change. I'm not the one they used to hang out anymore. I'm aware of this changes and I like it. I want to mantain it as long as I could. I found what I want in Life. At least, I know what I want. Even I dont have any specific ambition since I'm a kid. At least, right now, I have a purpose to chase in my life.

So, it still me. Waiting and watching. I believe, something bigger will come. No, something bigger is just happen. It's a great feeling.

I just bring a meaningless scroll after 3 years become a sailor in Dungun,